Don't Go in There
by L'il Senzu
Summary: Di me is warned not to go in a room in the hotel she cleans. Of course she doesn't listen. Allusions to Spike/Xander slash, smut, and kinks. Language warning. Self insertion but not MarySue. Hotel and coworker names changed. OneShot. Please RR.


Okay, so I thought of this fic while working earlier today...its rather random, to be honest. And yes, the main character is me...and the POV is mine...but while it is self-insertion, its not a Mary Sue...not be a long shot...its just a different way to tell a story. I tried this once before, but I think that this time, I did it a lot better. DeeDee is what they call me at work, btw, please don't call me that... I hate the nickname, but w/e.

Warnings: no actual smut or kinks, but very strong allusions to both. A decent amount of swearing.  
I don't own Buffy or any of the characters therein. Would love to...I'd have gone with the original plan of making Xander the gay character and there would've never been a Buffy/Spike fling...see where I'm going with that?

Don't Go in There

Flicking my finished cigarrette to the side, I walked through the employee entrance to Trophy Inn. I nodded to Melissa, who was still working on her cigarrette and talking angrily on her cell phone, par usual. I yawned as I found my room assignment sheet, grabbed one of my waterbottles from the lounge fridge and started to load up my cart.

I'd been working as a housekeeper there for just over a week. It was gross, and I was expected to get a room done in a little more than half the time it actually took me...but I needed the money. Neither college nor apartments were exactly cheap.

As I got ready to go start the rooms that were already checked out of, my supervisor, Carol, pulled me aside.

"Hey DeeDee, you see this room here?" she said, pointing to the seventh row on my paper, room number 176. "Don't go in there."

I frowned. "Uh...okay, why?" I asked, confused, wondering what she meant.

She shook her head. "Just don't go near that room. Stay away from there. Trust me, DeeDee."

The woman who does the laundry glanced over at my paper to see what Carol was talking about. "Oh yeah...don't go in there." she agreed.

I stared at them incredulously, but agreed. I marked it on my sheet so I wouldn't forget, and wondered vaguely why Carol had it on my assignment sheet at all...and what could possibly be so bad that she didn't want me to even go in it. According to the paper, the people in it were supposed to check out at noon...maybe she just meant that I shouldn't go near there until they were long gone...but I already knew not to do that...and the idea of somebody fucking in a hotel room wasn't exactly foreign to me, even only having been on the job for a week. There had to be something more to it than that... But I stopped worrying about it as I set to work.

LINELINELINELINE

2 Hours Later

I wiped sweat from my brow with the edge of my sleeve. I had five rooms done, and four left: 2 stayovers, 1 checkout...and Room 176. The stayovers would be a piece of cake; I didn't even have to change the sheets in them today. I started pushing my cart towards the next room when Carol came up.

"How you doin', DeeDee?"

I showed her my sheet. "Only four left."

She nodded. "Okay...but don't go in 176. Just stay away from there." she said sternly. I nodded again, and continued on my way. As much as I was afraid of what could possibly be in room 176, a part of me was growing more and more curious. I pictured a flooded bathroom, a trashbag's worth of garbage, and semen splattering the walls. I shuddered as I hoped to god that I was wrong.

LINELINELINELINE

45 Minutes Later

Having finished my last checkout and one stayover, I was very pleasantly surprised to see a Do Not Disturb sign on room 171, my second stayover. I went to push my cart back to the laundry room, when I glanced down the hall towards room 176. It was almost 1pm, anyone in that room should have been checked out already. Carol had never given me the go ahead to do the room...but curiousity got the better of me and I couldn't resist at least going to take a peek. I started heading towards the room, when the door opened.

I stepped back against the wall as a tall, dark haired guy walked out. He was slightly muscled, and rather goodlooking, with large, deep chocolate eyes that glanced around almost nervously. I couldn't stop myself from going near him.

"Good morning."

He nearly jumped out of his skin. "Huh? Oh...hi."

I held back a giggle. He was a nervous one...probably was still disoriented from waking up post coital to find his "date" missing. It would explain him being late for check out...almost all participants in one-night stands were.

"Are you aware that its past check-out, sir?" I asked.

He swept back his dark brown bangs. "Um...yeah, sorry...uh well...I gotta be going...to work."

"Of course, sir...Is there anyone else in the room?"

His eyes grew wide, and his nervousness appeared to grow. "Oh, no...of course not...Was just me...all by myself in that room the whole night...Yes siree, no guests for this guy. Just me, myself and I." he babbled.

I couldn't help smile. He was completely adorable. "Well, okay sir..." I suddenly got a hunch, and withheld an evil grin. "You know, you make an awful lot of noise for one guy with no guests." In actuality, I hadn't heard anything since I hadn't been working at night...but I had a feeling.

I was right. He visibly paled while simultaneously gaining a rich blush to his cheeks. "TV! That was my TV, sorry I had it up so high...just watching TV all night! Boy do they have some good programs on after midnight...real educational stuff...on the TV...Yep, that was me...just having some TV fun with my TV all TV night...um..."

"Well, have a good day at work, sir. Remember to drop off your key on your way out." I said, laughter interrupting my words just a little.

He nodded. "Okay...well I will...um...thanks...uh, there's no one in there...but don't go in this room...I'll pay for another night...I sure like your TV..." with that he walked quickly down the hall.

I watched him go, squinting in puzzlement in the strange limp to his step, then shrugged and glanced around for Carol. I didn't see her anywhere. There was possibly someone else still in the room, he'd said there wasn't...but he was acting way too nervous. But even if there was, I just wanted to see...Guests never really minded if you left quickly after disturbing them. I stared at the innocent looking door for a few moments before making up my mind and knocking.

"Housekeeping." I said loudly. There was only silence on the other end. I knocked again, harder. "Housekeeping!" Once again, there was only silence, so I slid my master keycard into the lock and slowly opened the door.

"Housekeeping?" I called as I creaked the door open. I didn't hear anything, so I hesitantly stepped in, closing the door behind me.

I took a few steps in, only to stop in shock. The first thing that I noticed was the smell; the scent of sex was almost overpowering, layered with the smells of something fruity and pizza...and something metallic and tangy, like blood. _Someone likes to play rough_. I thought with both disgust and amusement. The beds were in disarray, the sheets literally torn to shreds. The walls, headboards, and parts of the pillows, sheets and blankets that I could see, were splattered with what only could be cum. That was what caught my attention right away, but as I kept looking around the room, what I saw was much more...interesting.

Scattered around the beds and floor were toys...lots of toys...of the adult genre. I tiptoed around, careful to touch absolutely nothing while still examining the array of plastic pleasure bringers. There were dildos, vibrators, cock rings, bottles of lube, a riding crop, nipple clamps, rope, handcuffs and leather outfits. There was more, some of which I didn't even recognize, and some which was partially hidden that I wasn't about to go near enough to uncover.

I laughed in pure astonishment. "Damn...that kid did not seem like the type...but shows what I know." I shook my head as I started heading out. "Guess everyone has an inner perv...thank god Carol's not making me clean this mess." I was partially confused as to why he would just leave all these fun looking toys, but shrugged...he did say that he might buy another night. I was about to step out when I decided to take a glance in the bathroom. It couldn't be too much worse than the rest of the room, and my curiosity had served me well so far.

I pushed open the door and instantly found myself slammed against the wall. I found myself starring into ice blue eyes.

"Housekeeping...I did knock." I rasped out illogically, fear controlling my voice. Suddenly, I felt a strong hand tighten against my throat before the pressure and body were gone, and a stream of heavy cursing started up.

I took a breath, stepping away from the wall as I watched a bleached blonde hop around in obvious pain, cradling his hand like it was burned.

"Mothafucking, bloody crosses. Fuck! Goddamn Christians and their sodding love of wearing bleedin' crucifixes!" I heard him growl. I stared in fear as his demonically ridged face curled in pain. Suddenly, he was straightening, a growl coming from his fanged mouth.

"I take offense to that, ya know." I muttered nervously.

He looked at me in surprise. "Take offense ta what?"

"Being called a goddamn Christian. I'm athiest...just like this necklace cause it belonged to my friend...and cause it just saved my skin from what appears to be a vampire...who appears to like kinky S&M gay sex..not that anythings wrong with that, I approve...um..."

"Uh huh...so bint, you aren't runnin' scared because...?"

"I've been attacked before...been saved before too, except last time was by a skinny blonde with too much makeup and not a bad dropkick. If you wanted to kill me, you would have by now...sides, I already know that this necklace stops you."

He growled again before dropping his game face. "Whatever. Ya looks like you'd taste like a greasy cheeseburger anyways, all clogged up arteries and such...just get outta here before I decide to rip some limbs, remember chit, its only your throat that I can't be touching."

I shivered. "Alright...I'm getting out of here...but before I go, answer me one question?"

He nodded slightly, his eyes squinting as if he were trying to understand me.

I grinned mischievously at him. "So... who wore the nipple clamps?"

LINELINELINELINELINELINE  
Let me know what you think...I know it was a bit different, but I kinda like the way it turned out. Reviews are much loved!


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